THE RED FLAG

I dated a very, very, super-sophisticated woman. She used to drive with her legs crossed.

I am not currently, nor have I ever been married. Unfortunately, in our society when you are 50 and never married, it is considered by many to be what is called a “red flag.” As such, it supposedly is a warning sign that you may be a person that has either a fear of commitment, or an inability to be a reliable life partner.

One of the major flaws of Internet dating is that people see a detail or a statistic, and from that they form a judgment about another person’s life or character that may not be true. In this case perception is not reality. It is also why it’s so difficult to find romance online, because instead of getting a sense of someone in person, you are often using outdated stereotypes as the basis for your search.

The marriage red flag has never made any sense to me. I pose the question to many of the women who confront me on this issue: which is worse, to never have been married, or to be divorced three times? Would you rather have somebody fresh and untainted, or somebody who has baggage and resentment?

I actually had a divorced woman tell me that she didn’t think we were a match due to the fact that at my age, if I haven’t been married, I probably am not capable of long-term commitment. “Well, I was in a twelve year relationship with a woman whom I lived with for nine years,” I protested. “And besides,” I pointed out immaturely, “you said you were married two years, so my relationship had more substance than your marriage.”

“But yours is a red flag,” she insisted. “Why didn’t you want to get married?”

A red flag? This woman must work at the Daytona Speedway, I thought. And how typically presumptuous it was of her to assume that it was I who bailed out.

“What about you?” I asked. “You’ve been divorced. Is that an orange flag?” I was beginning to see my own flags popping up.

In the next few days I wrestled with the red-flag phenomenon, and the unjustness of its false stereotype. How might I get through to women, I asked myself, that I was both ready and able to be a long-term partner?

And then it struck me: why just red and orange? A better flag system just might help me through the online dating thicket. So I went to work, and the Bobby Kelton Internet Dating Flag System emerged. I hereby offer it (at no charge), to help others sort out many of the warning signs for potential Internet dates:

Pink flag: having the user name, “Outforyourcash.”

Gray flag: when you ask her which Starbucks she wants to meet at she replies, “Oh,

there’s more than one?”

Blue flag: she looks more like the photo of her cat than the photo of herself.

Amber flag: he took a taxi to meet you because he doesn’t own a car – and lives in L.A.

Purple flag: someone so desperate they seek dates on ebay.

Red flag: saying that my marital history is a red flag.

Green flag: revealing that she enjoys sex, and has plenty of money.

White flag: surrendering to the fact that your soul mate won’t be found on the Internet.